half a year

half a year has gone by since i turned 21
big transformation that happened may 23rd 2008 right into the 24th.

in 6 months i have traveled the states, western europe, colorado and wyoming, love all through my body and heart, fucked shit up quite noticeably, stopped running away

now i am in madrid feeling like maybe i am not me anymore but more me than before because everything you do comes from inside of you. the seeds are all there. so how do i weed the garden of the plants i dont like?
is it ok that they existed and popped up?

substances hit me hard like bricks falling from the 17th floor of my apartment. i put all of the bricks on the windowsill though. and i took the elevator way down way way way down to the ground floor. should have stayed inside.

integrity is a funny thing. you can live in your integrity for years and then in one moment you step outside for a drink, you lose your breath and out of your hands it falls. you drop it. and then are you a person of integrity anymore? do things work that way? no

you live in your integrity as much as you can and when you slip you reflect and you learn from it. but sometimes the lesson is that you cant let yourself slip in certain ways. that isnt being hard on yourself, that is being fair.

its not ok to hurt the people around you with your actions. but is it forgivable? when do you make exceptions for people?